I’ve only included the pages that aren’t too *spoiler alert*. The feedback I recieved was a mixture from friends and my tutor, both of which were great helps and very, very appreciated. Some of the notes I made on the script, especially the title page were ideas I had whilst writing the 2nd draft (this draft was to hand during the process). The most crucial note given was the strenghten the 2nd and 3rd act, which I already knew when writing but they gave ideas as to how to make the two acts stronger against the 1st act. Another piece of advice, given by a friend was to include more (what I call because it’s easier to label it this) surrealist elements shown through the mise-en-scene. This was done through negative or aggressive visuals portrayed through words on a object that reflected Arielle’s mental state, these are not really there and was a way to get an inner monologue without using voiceover. I realised I needed to use this theme much more for it to be truly effective. These notes basically consist of story ideas, character backgrounds, rough scenes and themes to consider in the later revisions.

1st Draft

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